Woman Wants To Know If She’s Wrong For Not Wanting to Spend Mother’s Day With Stepkids
Mother’s Day should be all about the mum, but what happens when the day turns out to be like nothing you expected. Do you speak up or hold your tongue?
One mum has taken to Reddit to ask if she’s being the a**hole for not wanting to have her stepkids as well as her biological kids with her on Mother’s Day. Yes, this sounds horrible, but hear her out:
AITAH for not wanting to spend mother’s day with my stepkids? It’s not that I dislike my sks or anything like that I just think they should be with their mom and I thought she would want the time so I planned the day with just my kids.
Sounds pretty considerate to us.
DH told me Saturday night they would be with us and he must not have sensed my feeling because he goes “now you’ll have all the kiddos for your day”. All I could think of was I’m not going to get to relax that day and my budget just tripled (we each have 4 kids but only 3 -my bios, live with us fulltime and 3/4 of his kids come EVERY weekend) so I decided to cover another mother’s shift for mother’s day. DH is now mad at me and I tried to explain to him if I’m not going to get to spend the day how I want, I’m just going to go to work. He’s taking it super personal and I have no idea how to convey my feelings without sounding like I don’t love my sks, I would just like a break and I thought mother’s day was about mothers 🤔😔
So while the mum says she loves her stepkids just like her own, she feels like she wasn’t consulted on what should have been her day. Do you agree? one commenter has a very objective comment for her:
Your initial assumption wasn’t off base, and your husband definitely shouldn’t have changed your plans unilaterally, but you know what you never did? Talked to literally anyone about it.
You should have talked to your husband about your plans, you should have asked your stepkids what they want – it’s important to consider their feelings, even if they do want to spend the day with their mother! You should probably have talked to your own kids too.
And then you threw a little tantrum and destroyed the plans, still without consulting anyone.
Which the mum took in her stride and actually responded very maturely with: I appreciate your perspective without attacking me. Thank you and I didn’t even consider that I was being bratty but can see it now.
Whereas this commenter pointed out that it was a huge ask to expect her to have all the kids on her special day, especially without prior warning: Wait, hold on. So your husband only has the kids on the weekend, but according to your comments he also works all weekend, so you’re the one taking care of your stepkids AND your bio kids solo until 6-8 pm EVERY Saturday and Sunday? And he’s working Mother’s Day weekend as well and expects you to do the same thing as you do every weekend?
As the saying goes on this sub: THE IRANIAN YOGURT IS NOT THE ISSUE HERE. This is NOT a healthy blended family dynamic. You are doing the lion’s share of the parenting for both your own kids AND your stepkids and your husband is doing nothing to help give you any kind of respite, even on freaking Mother’s Day! Taking care of six kids all day is an enormous amount of work no matter how much you love them!
And it seems like this was the major consensus on Reddit with comments like these:
NTA. Most people do want to just relax on mother’s day. Am I reading this correctly? It’s a total of 8 kids? This is quite alot to handle.
The step kids have a bio mother, sounds like they are being dumped so bio mom can have the day to herself. And evidently, the step kids are w/stepmom every other weekend. Wouldn’t you expect the bio mom would want her kids on Mother’s Day? And taking care of 6 kids is not a celebration for Mom. Where’s the biomom???
NTA. You have his kids every weekend despite him working weekends. Your stepkids mum gets to have a nice break every weekend and clearly doesn’t want to see her own kids on mother’s day but everyone is giving you hassle?
I think you need to sit down with your husband and tell him to rework his custody arrangement so he only has the kids when he is not working. For mothers day if his ex doesn’t want to see her own kids then he needs to entertain then, it’s not crazy for you to want one on one time with your kids for one weekend.
What do you think?