Women Share Their Most Hilariously Embarrassing Moments During a Visit to Their Gynaecologist
Humour is often a good way to cover embarrassment, but sometimes it can make situations even more awkward, as these women discovered!
Here are five hilarious stories about the most embarrassing moments that happened during their routine gyno visits.
1. The Family Resemblance
I make really inappropriate statements when I’m feeling a bit awkward.
A while back, I had irregularities on my routine Pap smear. I’m not good at waiting around for potentially bad news and decided to use the private insurance I have ‘for emergencies’ in order to get the recommended colposcopy as soon as possible.
My mother was insistent that I use her gynaecologist. This is the man she’s been going to for decades, the guy that looked after her when she was pregnant with all of her kids, the doctor who endlessly reassured her after I was born a trimester early.
So she and the doctor go way back. I, obviously, had not seen him since I was born.
The actual examination went fine. He was a very professional man with a caring, kindly demeanour and did not seem irritated by my incessant talking.
At the end he was very reassuring. As we parted, he made the comment, “You look exactly like your mother.”
Without even thinking, I replied, “My face or my fanny?”
I couldn’t help myself.
2. The Canada Goose
My first ever gynaecologist’s appointment was when I was 17, and it took place in front of several medical students.
I’m lying back on the couch, watching curiously as the doctor prepares a tray full of metal instruments. (Yes, they used metal back in those days. In January, this could be…bracing.) I’m a first-year med student myself, so I’m always curious when it comes to experiencing new procedures.
One of the instruments in particular catches my interest. I’ve never seen anything quite this shape before.
Me: What’s that? The thing that you’re holding?
Doc: Who wants to tell this lady what this is? Anyone?
Med Student #1: It’s called a speculum. It goes inside your vagina and holds it open so we can look at your cervix.
Me: Oh. Cool. It looks like a duck. (Makes duck sounds) Quack quack.
The doctor lubes me up with KY and inserts the speculum.
Me: Holy shit that’s cold! That’s not a duck, that’s a freaking Canada Goose. (Making goose sounds) Honk!
Doc stares at me.
Doc: Are you feeling alright? Would you like me to stop for a moment?
Me: Nah, I’m fine.
Doc gives me a strange look, but continues with the exam, taking a quick swab. I make duck and goose shadow puppet shapes with my hands and make their shadows quack and honk at each other on the wall.
Five medical students take turns to stare into my vagina while trying not to piss themselves laughing.
Doc manages to remain professional throughout, with only the redness of her cheeks giving her away.
A decade and a half later, I’m still that girl who randomly makes animal noises, just because she feels like it.
I’m also still that girl who’s almost impossible to embarrass. Although these days, I try to be at least a little bit conscious that other people don’t have my embarrassment tolerance levels.
But not that sorry.
3. The Angry Vagina
“Oh my! She’s angry, isn’t she?!”
I’d recently had a procedure that caused a lot of bleeding, similar to after childbirth. I had to wear really super big maxi pads, and I’d gotten a rash from wearing them. So I made an appointment.
That was my doctor’s initial reaction when she went to ‘check things out’ down there. Which caused me to burst out in laughter to the point of tears. It took several minutes for us and the nurse to stop laughing about my ‘angry vagina’, and actually talk about how to treat it.
At least she was able to make me laugh and make an embarrassing situation not quite as bad.
4. Anal Time!
My annual physical was completed and the doctor turned away from me to chart and said, “”Next, anal. Please turn over.”
Having never had an anal exam, I turned over. The gown was open on the back so my bare rear end was showing.
All of a sudden you could hear a pin drop and the doctor said, “”What are you doing?” I explained she had said to turn over for an anal exam.
She said, “”I was speaking to the nurse and said ‘no anal’ and to please turn over a paper.”
I started laughing but for some reason, they weren’t having any of it and abruptly left the room. I said while they left, “”Then leave 20 bucks on the table for the view!”
I was still chuckling when I left and went to the receptionist who wouldn’t look at me while she made my next appointment. I guess it just wasn’t a good day for them but I laugh every time I think about it!
My friend’s mother was in town visiting and asked if she would be able to set up an appointment with her (male) gynaecologist. My friend said fine and managed to get an appointment for the next day. The next day she came home from work and while having dinner and this conversation followed –
Daughter – “How did your appointment go?”
Mother – ”Fine, I guess”
Daughter – “Is everything OK?”.
Mother – “Oh yeah everything is fine. <pause> Has Dr._______ ever said anything … inappropriate to you?”.
Daughter – “No, I don’t think so. No, I’m pretty sure he never has. Why what did he say?”
Mother – “Well at the beginning of the examination he said ‘Mmmmm. Fancy’ but then it was normal after that”
Daughter – “Fancy?’
Mother – “Yeah. Just like that. ‘Mmmmm. Fancy’”
Daughter – “That’s really strange. Did you do anything … different”
Mother – “What do you mean?”
Daughter – “Shave or something like that?”
Mother – “No no. I used a bit of your feminine deodorant“
Daughter -“Feminine deodorant? I don’t own any feminine deodorant”
Mother – “Yes you do; it’s in the bathroom under the sink”
The daughter went to look and came back with a can of spray-on glitter.
Oh my goodness, that is quite hilarious! We’ve heard the “glitter collection in a face washer” before, but feminine deodorant mistaken for glitter spray is a new one for us!
Do you have a hilariously embarrassing gyno story to share?
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