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Breasts? What you Need is a Cleavage Pillow My Dear!

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 As if I don’t have enough to worry about trying to fight the ageing process and warding off laughter lines, crows feet, bingo wings, knickles (knee wrinkles) but now I must apparently add cleavage wrinkles to my list of beauty-fading paranoia.

 

Arghhh!

 

Apparently, being a feotal position sleeper I have extra cause for concern.  Whilst I sleep my breasts are partying beneath the sheets, rubbing together causing unsightly cleavage crevices.

 

What I NEED…apparently, is a cleavage pillow.

 

I kid you not!

 

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That’s right.  Split the twins up and put an end to their nightly shenanigans.

 

But of course, you can maintain your youthful appearance around your throat and declotage area if you cover yourself in this cream first.

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Why it has to look like a sperm sample from King Kong I have no idea.  But I have a sneaking suspicion that it was formulated by a man.  We are supposed to believe ladies, that tadpole shaped solutions can work wonders on our skin!  Nice try boys, but I ain’t buying it.

 

What will they think of next?

 

Will I soon also need a buttock separating pillow to stop my buttocks rubbing and causing uncontrollable butt-sagging resulting on a wobble measuring a 3 on the sphincter richter scale?

Will I soon be required to wrap, strap, slip, slop and slap my limbs and appendages before nodding off for the evenng?

 

Come on ladies.  Let’s put our heads together.  What other weird and wonderful inventions can we come up with to make each other insecure about our fading beauty?  

Jolene

Jolene

Jolene enjoys writing, sharing and connecting with other like-minded women online – it also gives her the perfect excuse to ignore Mount-Washmore until it threatens to bury her family in an avalanche of Skylander T-shirts and Frozen Pyjama pants. (No one ever knows where the matching top is!) Likes: Reading, cooking, sketching, dancing (preferably with a Sav Blanc in one hand), social media, and sitting down on a toilet seat that one of her children hasn’t dripped, splashed or sprayed on. Dislikes: Writing pretentious crap about herself in online bio’s and refereeing arguments amongst her offspring.

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