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You Know You’re a Mum When…


* You’ve seen the immunisation nurse more times in the last four years than you’ve seen your hairdresser.

* You see something you’d love to buy and instead of working out how many hours you’d have to work for it, you think how many boxes of nappies it cost.

* You’ve fished a full and very soggy toilet roll out of the toilet at least once, along with other assorted items.

* You’ve finally found someone who smiles and giggles when you make a mournful attempt at singing.

* You find yourself making up ludicrous and far-fetched stories when the tooth-fairy forgets to come.

* You think back to the years before you had children and wonder why the hell you didn’t travel, and go out and do more when you had the chance.

* Someone mentions the word ‘peace’ and you immediately think of cake. You’ve forgotten there is any other kind!

* Ugg boots become an acceptable form of footwear to be worn everywhere.

* Your handbag is no longer filled with make-up, and other assorted luxury items – instead there is a spotted banana that has seen better days, and a small tupperware box with snacks to appease your baby/toddler/child/husband whilst trying to shop!

* You notice your parents smirk a little when your children give you hell – and those words they uttered all those years ago when you were a painful teen ring in your ears “Just you wait until you have kids!!!”

* You no longer have any need for an alarm clock, and long for the days when weekends meant having a lie in!

* You go to the shops with birthday money to spend on yourself and come home with socks, undies, and new clothes/shoes for the kids, meat and veg for dinner, a headache from the busy shopping centre and a stick of deodorant for yourself.

* You no longer refer to wine as ‘Sav Blanc,’ ‘Chardonnay,’ or ‘Merlot.’ It all comes under the title of ‘Mummy’s medicine.’

* The last book you read was “The Gruffalo” or “Hairy McClary.

* You’ve had so little time to yourself, you are starting to resemble a cross between the  Gruffalo and  Hairy McClary.

* You don’t care about any of the above, and wouldn’t change it for the world.

That’s my list! What would you add?




Jolene enjoys writing, sharing and connecting with other like-minded women online – it also gives her the perfect excuse to ignore Mount-Washmore until it threatens to bury her family in an avalanche of Skylander T-shirts and Frozen Pyjama pants. (No one ever knows where the matching top is!) Likes: Reading, cooking, sketching, dancing (preferably with a Sav Blanc in one hand), social media, and sitting down on a toilet seat that one of her children hasn’t dripped, splashed or sprayed on. Dislikes: Writing pretentious crap about herself in online bio’s and refereeing arguments amongst her offspring.

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