10 Things People DON’T Tell You About Pregnancy!
We all get told the basics of ‘what to expect when we’re expecting’ but not once did any one tell me my ass would be on fire 24/7. No-one! Not one single person!
So before you venture into your pregnancy journey please take the time to read this list of what people DON’T tell you about being pregnant. You’re very welcome.
1. You may suffer from haemorrhoids
Haemorrhoids are swollen veins in the anus and rectum which are more common during pregnancy due to increased weight on your pelvis. The increased blood flow to the pelvic area can cause veins in the rectum to swell, bulge and itch. Charming, right? I remember sitting with a group of friends in public when my first pregnancy haemorrhoid hit. All I could think of was how to get in there and relive the scratch. We’re talking burning sensation! Jalapeño level burn! Needless to say I took myself to the nearest pharmacy and loaded up on Anusol wipes. God sent I tell you! Those wipes worked over time during my last trimester.
2. Your hair may become thick and lustrous – but not just. on your head
Sure everyone prepared me for the long thick head of hair I’d be sporting during pregnancy, which I did. I loved having a shower and not being left with ‘Cousin It’ in the drain. It was glorious! What I was not prepared for was the sensational moustache and side burns I’d be dealing with. As well as the extra nipple hair, chin hairs, and gorgeous thick leg hair. Seriously, thank God I was pregnant through Winter cause I can tell you I was super warm on those cold nights.
3. You may want more sex, not less
Something happens during your second trimester where all you can think about is relieving another type of ‘itch.’ Your breasts become fuller and your vulva is engorged from all the extra blood flow. It feels like all your nerve endings are on high alert and all you want is sex…and ice cream…but mainly sex! This is completely normal thanks to the increased hormones in your body, so if you’re lucky enough to have an increased libido while pregnant then all I can say is YAY YOU!!
4. People think they can touch you all the time
Can you imagine not being pregnant and people stopping you to rub your belly? That would be weird right? Well guess what. It’s still weird even when you ARE pregnant. Once people figure out you’re with child and not with an extra plate of carbonara they will think it’s ok to touch your stomach. They will rub it, tickle it and sometimes even keep their hand on it while continuing a conversation. This is not okay without consent. And even with consent, let’s try and keep the rubbing short and sweet.
5. You will fart through your vagina
Guess what? There’s an actual word for this wonderous act- it’s called QUEEFING. It’s a slang term and it means ‘to release air audibly from the vagina.’ More importantly, it can happen. In fact it happened to me at work so often that my colleagues went from giggling, to rolling their eyes, to then not even flinching as it would happen so often. Fun times.
6. You may feel freaked out by something growing inside you
It’s perfectly normal to feel weird about growing a baby in your stomach. In fact I was so freaked out at one stage that I imagined I was like Sigourney Weaver in Alien and was growing a Xenomorph in my belly. I freaked myself out so much that I’d visualise them bursting through the skin and gobbling me up. So yeah, if this is you, don’t sweat it. You’re perfectly normal-ish.
7. You may cry all the time
Crying at the drop of a hat is something you may need to get used to. Those pregnancy hormones do weird things to your body and you may find yourself shedding a tear at the strangest times. It’s perfectly normal, especially during the first trimester when your mind and body are getting used to the huge upheaval. I remember sitting in the toilet once and looking at my freshly polished toes and crying because they looked so pretty. Or maybe I was crying because I knew that in a few months I wouldn’t be able to see them. So if this is you at the moment all I can say is just ‘feel your feels’ it’s ok.
8. You will forget where you parked your car
I don’t care what people say- your memory will never be the same after having kids. I’m sure there’s some scientific reason behind this but all I know is that if I had a dollar for every time I ‘lost’ my car in the car park I’d be a friggin millionaire by now.
9. Your vagina may turn blue
Apparently it’s perfectly normal for your vagina to change colour during pregnancy. It’s common for vaginas to develop a blueish colour which is due to an increase of blood flow. Don’t stress though. Your Smurf vag will return to it’s normal colour shortly after birth.
10. You will be hot all the time
While pregnant be prepared to work up a sweat by doing nothing. Well okay, growing a baby isn’t nothing, but you know what I mean. You will sweat buckets just trying to get off the couch. You will crank up the air con and sleep with a fan just to stay sane and not kill anyone. And here’s a tip – always dress in layers cause you’ll need to strip off at a moment’s notice. Science says the increased heat is due to your metabolism working harder to grow a baby. I say ‘who turned the bloody aircon off!’
Images: Pixabay and Alien