6 Things That Are Not as Sexy as Most People Think
Just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, calling something sexy is a very subjective thing. What someone might find hot, someone else might feel it is a major turn off.
There are black and white examples of things that are hot and things that are not, as all those teen magazines taught us back in the day. It is not sexy to clean out the cat litter tray, and likely never will be, whereas relaxing in a steaming hot bubble bath will always make us feel a little bit special in the pants department.
In conclusion, there are many, many things out there that are considered sexy, but these six things are definitely not as sexy as most people might think.
1. Fake porn star noises during sex
There is nothing wrong with vocally expressing your enjoyment during sex, in fact, it would be a little disconcerting if the entire experience was performed in complete silence! However, aggressively obnoxious fake screaming, moaning and yelling “OH GOD” is a bit over the top and a sign that the person has probably watched too much porn. Spare a thought for your neighbours and tone it down a little, yeah?
2. Getting down and dirty with food play
Look, that one scene in 9 1/2 Weeks was sexy as hell, even with the bizarre soundtrack choice. But as much as chocolate sauce, honey, whipped cream and syrup might sound like a great idea in the moment, unless you’re planning on using a tarpaulin you’ll regret all that sticky mess covering every surface afterwards! Sure, a hot shower for two is always fun. Stripping the bed or mopping the floor together, not as much.
3. Sex on the beach — not the drink
Sand gets everywhere just sitting on the beach reading a book, let’s not invite disaster by having sex there too! And don’t get me started on mites, bugs, sharp-edged shells, stones, rubbish, the wind… it all sounds like too much malarky to be in any way sexy. Get hot and heavy at the beach but maybe take the sexy sex elsewhere.
4. Duck lips
Whoever told people that contorting your lips and face into that look is attractive and should be in every single picture taken should be slapped. That shit ain’t sexy at all and people should stop doing it. And put your tongue back in your mouth too, you’re not Miley Cyrus.
A sure sign of someone who has definitely consumed too much porn is the old jackhammer technique. Sure, some women might enjoy the fast and furious assault on their vaginas by someone who thinks we like that right off the bat, but it is not sexy. Slow it down a bit, buddy. There are a lot of nerves down there and you’re bitch-slapping all of them.
6. Dick pics
Or, more accurately, unsolicited dick pics. The rule is: unless someone asks you, “hey, can I see your penis?”, don’t show them your penis.This is not how you get a girl to be interested in you. All it does is raise a bunch of red flags to let us know to block you. Seriously, stop sending us dick pics.
Do you have anything of your own to add? Share your thoughts in the comments!