This Mum’s Heartwarming Post Will Remind You That You ARE Doing a Great Job as a Mother, Even if it Doesn’t Look Like It
Years ago, I made a startling discovery about other adults like me. It rocked me at first, and then suddenly everything fell into place and my view of the world came into focus a little more.
Here is what I learnt that day:
Nobody has their shit together all the time. We’re all just winging it. All of us.
Talk about an enlightening moment! I was wandering about thinking that everyone had five-year plans and were on top of their finances and had beautiful show homes and perfect children — everyone except me! But no, we’re all just the same. No one has their shit together all the time. We’re all just winging it.
Laura Mazza wrote a thought-provoking piece for her Mum on the Run Facebook page recently, reassuring mums everywhere that they are doing a good job, even if it doesn’t look like it.
Her post has resonated with many mums, who have thanked her for bringing perspective back into the challenging job that is motherhood. She writes:
I see a psychologist every couple of weeks to keep all my emotions in check. This particular appointment I had no one to watch my children and came 25 minutes late with them both screaming as we walked in.
“I’m sorry I’m late, I’m a terrible mess. I’m a bad mother. I can’t get my shit together, yadda yadda yadda… you know how I am… I’m so sorry” Pointing to my two children “I had no one else”
She smiled at me and said, sit down. I let out a big sigh and sat down and wanted to cry.
She said, “You’re not a bad mother, you know how I can tell? Because of all the things you’ve just said.”
She asked, “why are you late?”
I responded “because my son didn’t like the t shirt I wanted to put him in, so I changed him.”
She said “so you took the time to clothe your children and even respected what they wanted to wear to express themselves…. why are you a terrible mess?”
“Because I have a cereal stain on my skirt from the kids breakfasts and my mascara is running down my face from the heat.”
She said, “so you fed your kids breakfast and helped them eat it, and you made the effort for yourself and wanted to look presentable for our time together….Why can’t you get your shit together?” She asked smiling at me…
“Because I had no one to watch the kids and because I’m late.” I responded
She said “so rather than cancelling on today, you did the most hardest thing in the world for someone with anxiety and for someone with two young children, you got dressed, you dressed your two kids, you fed them, you brought them out of the house, and you came to an appointment because you want to better yourself for them.”
And then she leaned forward, and said, “and you know why I know you’re not a shit mother? Because you did all of that. And you do all of that every day. You put all of their needs first. Every need from their emotional, to physical, to wellbeing. Everyday.
“For kids to grow up emotionally stable they only need 30% of us. Only 30% each day to grow up happy and loved, but even though you have your time right now, you’ve already given them more than that. You’ve handed them a toy when they’ve wanted it, you’ve looked at them as you’ve spoken to me when they’ve wanted your attention, and you’ve come late because their needs were first. They know all of that, and they’re so comfortable with knowing you’re there for them they came in like they owned the place because their mother makes them feel safe and comfortable no matter where they go.
I see a psychologist every couple of weeks to keep all my emotions in check. This particular appointment I had no one to…
“Mothers only need to give 30% but we give more like 90% if not more, every day. Now does that sound like someone who doesn’t have their shit together? Or does that sound like someone who is doing her damn best despite any adversity thrown her way?”
I said “I guess…” and smiled, and then I asked, “you said 90%, what about the other 10%?”
She said “the other 10% is usually because mothers have to hide in the toilet to poo… so we will give them that 10% as leeway to have 2 minutes peace to themselves”
So whenever you go anywhere, your kids are screaming, your clothes are stained, your eyes are bloodshot from being tired and you feel like you are a mess, remember THESE are all signs that you are mothering, and you are doing it damn right.
She’s absolutely correct!
How many times have we all been in a similar situation to this?
I used to curse myself for having a messy kitchen and a massive laundry pile that needed sorting. There were always a hundred jobs to be done and never enough time to do them.
Our youngest is now in primary school, but looking back on photos when we had four children under six, I can see the parenting in those messes. I can see that feeding and comforting and bathing and dressing and playing and all the things that were far more important than keeping a tidy house and looking like I had my shit together.
Hang in there mums! You’re doing a brilliant job.
Source: Facebook/Laura Mazza – Mum on the Run